March 20, 2011

Winter wasn't even my season...

If you ask me the season that I love the least, I would probably say winter. My relationship with winter was a hate-love relationship. When I was little I used to beg my parents to go outside to play snow fight. However, soon after we were going outside, all I wanted to do was to go inside. The snow looks pretty, but I just don't like to play with it. Watching it from inside was good enough for me.

It's still enough, but if you consider where I live now, unfortunately during winter days I don't have the luxury to stay in and watch the pretty white cloth covering everything up. It's amazing what we can get used to. In august 18, it will be my fourth year in here. I am not even sure if I will be here to celebrate my fourth year in here. Anyways...

Long story short, people can adjust to anything. Except the customs of locals ( I think). No matter how many years pass I cannot get used to American guys' way of quick dating. This should be an educating post for all the women out there who are not aware of American style dating. It's like their eating habits. It's fast! It's not fast-food, but it's fast-dating. Of course there are exceptions. There are still good guys, but I think they either live in other states, or they are invisible, or worse; they are ugly as hell lol.

When I was discussing this with my friend Gina, she was surprised, although she's a foreigner like me, she didn't experience what I experienced. Her American boyfriend was kind and old fashioned. Unfortunately, she had her good share of fast-dating recently.

Let me explain what I am talking about...

Although you might think I am accusing of my own kind, you have to accept; us, women are not so innocent. I think what makes men so confident is the green light they get from women.

These frogs have courage to ask you to go back to their places even after one or two drinks. If you had been out to dinner with these frogs, they think "hey I paid for the freaking dinner, I deserve to get my dessert, YOU!"

Let me tell you what you deserve, you deserve a kick in between your legs! What happened to old fashioned dating, trying to get to know each other, and falling in love, before "smushing"?

There are women out there who can't wait to go to a guy's place after one drink. Their excuse is, "it's just sex", or it's been so long, or they just had a bad day and want to change their moods. What they don't realize is that they also change the rules of dating, because there are so many females out there doing this that men started to think that's ok. They almost think that it's mandatory after second or third date. I was discussing this  with two friends, the Owl and Mr Money. I would expect Mr Money to be on my side since he's gay he feels/thinks like a woman. Right? Anyways, they told me that if a man still doesn't hint you after the third date that he wants to sleep with you ASAP, then he must be really in love with you. They think sex in the second or third date is a mandatory dating activity. Now, wait a second! If he's not in love with me, why am I dating him in the first place?!? Just to spend time? or to wait and see if he will ever fall in love with me?

Then the Owl confessed that he slept with his current girlfriend on the first date, right after dinner. I met the girl, simply she has confidence issue, and probably she wanted to secure herself, because she just started college and she was in a new environment. This is another reason why some women just give it up so easily. Simple they need to depend on someone, because of their personal issues. They better go see a therapist and be independent, strong women ASAP!

Let me share a personal experience. It can even be considered a twisted sad experience, because I found out that the guy I dated was...bisexual. Don't get me wrong, I don't judge people, I am not the one to tell them how to live their lives, but I do want the guy I date to be definitely STRAIGHT!

I had seen Mr Bisexual only three times. Although I sensed something was off I just couldn't put my finger on it. I always Google the guys I date. I don't just mean Googling like normal people, I Google like crazy and I found about all his dirty laundry along with his sexual preference. Although I figured out this detail after the second date, because we arranged the third date I didn't cancel it, I rather decided to confront him. I was quite intoxicated at the end of the night, and although it was his birthday and he kept saying this was too short when I was leaving with my friends, (thinking he was punishing me for not letting him to control me. will tell the details later) I left him there and never contacted him ever again! THANK GOD he never contacted me as well.

At the end of our second date, he asked "what do you want to do now?" It was 1:00am and we were in a bar. I was quite naive I guess or he caught me off guard and I didn't understand what he meant at first, but two seconds later I realized, and wanted to think he just didn't ask THAT! but I was right. However, I pretended like I didn't get it, and said "I am tired and I will go home", and not to cause any confusion I added "and you go to your own home. We already arranged to meet tomorrow. So, we can do something tomorrow." Although I had no interest in doing anything he had in mind tomorrow or anytime soon, I had to get rid off him kindly. He was quite satisfied thinking he was going to get what he wanted to get in the first place. However, I was just disgusted by the way he asked as if "hey I am bored, you are bored, let's have sex."

You might find me boring, old fashioned. WHATEVER. If there is one thing that I am NOT, that is I am not Carrie Bradshaw. She can be your idol, your guru or whatever the heck you think she is or the character Samantha Jones, I simply like to have things the old way. Meet the guy, get to know him/fall in love with him, and start a fulfilling relationship with him.

So, if you are like me, unfortunately, you will have difficulty dating in this continent. You might be suffering from the same thing in Europe, but I think the situation in here is sadder.

Gina recently experienced this herself. After breaking up with her American boyfriend, who was quite different than usual Americans when it comes to dating, she met a guy at the bar and started talking to him. She thought the cute guy was into her. He was listening, asking questions, complementing. Simply, he was playing his part quite well. Then, he made the major mistake. He suggested her going back to his place! Of course, Gina was quite surprised, but kindly refused him ASAP saying she needs to catch up her friends and go back home. I couldn't help and said "I told ya. Now, do you get what I meant about American way of dating?"

Now, as a single girl back in the market, Gina is more careful then ever, because what happens if you had one too many martinis and you accept the guy's offer to go back to his place without thinking/realizing what he has in mind? If you are a Carrie Bradshaw/Samantha Jones, when you wake up next morning you will surprise at yourself and you will get dressed to go to Starbucks to get your daily doze of caffeine and will not even remember what happened last night by the time for lunch, but if you don't have a thick skin like her? It's always better to stay away from things that contains high dose of embarrassment.

Be careful about those frogs who think they deserve to get laid, because they paid for your drink or dinner, or because they know you for 48 hours!

Of course, this is another reason for me being single. I want a meaningful relationship. I don't believe a healthy relationship starts after sex. It's just sex after all like you said...


P.S Please help out people of Japan....

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