April 02, 2011

I am too Alpha for you!

Yes, this is the problem in my dating life. I'm an alpha woman, and I need a good looking confident man (not in a cocky way), who is successful and has manners. The men I dated so far were just losers, because they were acting like scared chickens, or were daring to tell me what to do, and had no real manners. If you think a man has manners and a real gentleman just because he opened your door, you are SO wrong my friend! Opening the doors is not enough if you can't even think to pay for the coffee, or take me to cheesy restaurants or text me 6 in the morning on a Sunday.

So, what is an alpha woman?

An Alpha Female is a dominant female in a group. She dates as many males as she wants, is strong and confident, and a hard worker as well as often busy. She is usually sarcastic, because she's powerful and playful.

Alpha Females are intelligent, intellectual problem solvers; and though being an alpha female is more of a state of mind than a physicality, an alpha understands that dressing up or being sexy increases her power in society, so she does it. Men desire her, and girls with low self-esteem hate her.

The Alpha Female is the head of the gyno-herd, guiding them for a evening out drinking and partying.

If the Alpha Female goes, the rest of the skirts will go too.

This is what I found online, and it was exactly how I am, no joke! It only took me 10 years to know this LOL When I was a teenager I realized guys were not confident enough to ask me out, although I knew they liked me. So, as a little girl I thought I was scaring them without knowing how I was doing this, but no the problem was not me, the problem was, they were not confident enough to date an Alpha girl. Lately, I don't give a bubble, the guys that I dated just bore me to death with their low inteligence, lack of humor, and lack of manners. I am looking for a man who is confident in his own skin, knows how to treat a woman and a sucessful business man.

I might sound like a biatch alpha woman, but hey I am beautiful, smart, funny and I know what I want! So, who cares if non-Alphas are jealous of me. ;)


March 22, 2011

Event is Corrected...

After I wrote the Dirty or Not You Decide post, I checked the event and I realized this time links for Breast Cancer Awareness were attached.

I also took a snapshot of the event for you, if you cannot see it by Googling.

March 21, 2011

Dirty or Not? You Decide

I just came back home and I was checking facebook as usual. I saw an invitation and I said oh boy where are you inviting me this time, people? However, it was not what I thought. Although, I still think it is late for this game, they are supposed to do this in October, it is fun to do it this time.

They say it's all for the awareness, but I  believe there IS something called bad publicity. So, I didn't like the first two games where you were posting the color of your bra and where you put your purse when you get to home. I am sure you already guessed what I am talking about.

Although the first was not so bad, I didn't like the second game. Why? Because it sounded "dirty". Girls were posting things like , I like it on the counter, on the bed, on the ground, etc. Is it right to associate Breast Cancer Awareness with sex?!? Probably your sex life suffers as well if you are fighting against this horrible disease, but C'mon we can do much better than just making men think we are talking dirty!

This year, although I am still not sure why we are doing it in March, you choose the fruit that fits your relationship status. Event planner Ida Boyd even thought about ladies who are widows.

As you can guess I am a blueberry & strawberry. Interpretation? I'm single, and still couldn't find the one, yet.

The game (started on March 16) ends March 31. So, hurry up. The event name is "Please read girls only"

She ends it by saying, 

"The bra game reached TV, lets get this one to do the same, and show everyone how powerful women are"

Although the event doesn't mention the Breast Cancer Awareness, we all know what the bra game was for. So, this makes me think, is it personal fame?!

You decide...


March 20, 2011

Winter wasn't even my season...

If you ask me the season that I love the least, I would probably say winter. My relationship with winter was a hate-love relationship. When I was little I used to beg my parents to go outside to play snow fight. However, soon after we were going outside, all I wanted to do was to go inside. The snow looks pretty, but I just don't like to play with it. Watching it from inside was good enough for me.

It's still enough, but if you consider where I live now, unfortunately during winter days I don't have the luxury to stay in and watch the pretty white cloth covering everything up. It's amazing what we can get used to. In august 18, it will be my fourth year in here. I am not even sure if I will be here to celebrate my fourth year in here. Anyways...

Long story short, people can adjust to anything. Except the customs of locals ( I think). No matter how many years pass I cannot get used to American guys' way of quick dating. This should be an educating post for all the women out there who are not aware of American style dating. It's like their eating habits. It's fast! It's not fast-food, but it's fast-dating. Of course there are exceptions. There are still good guys, but I think they either live in other states, or they are invisible, or worse; they are ugly as hell lol.

When I was discussing this with my friend Gina, she was surprised, although she's a foreigner like me, she didn't experience what I experienced. Her American boyfriend was kind and old fashioned. Unfortunately, she had her good share of fast-dating recently.

Let me explain what I am talking about...

Although you might think I am accusing of my own kind, you have to accept; us, women are not so innocent. I think what makes men so confident is the green light they get from women.

These frogs have courage to ask you to go back to their places even after one or two drinks. If you had been out to dinner with these frogs, they think "hey I paid for the freaking dinner, I deserve to get my dessert, YOU!"

Let me tell you what you deserve, you deserve a kick in between your legs! What happened to old fashioned dating, trying to get to know each other, and falling in love, before "smushing"?

There are women out there who can't wait to go to a guy's place after one drink. Their excuse is, "it's just sex", or it's been so long, or they just had a bad day and want to change their moods. What they don't realize is that they also change the rules of dating, because there are so many females out there doing this that men started to think that's ok. They almost think that it's mandatory after second or third date. I was discussing this  with two friends, the Owl and Mr Money. I would expect Mr Money to be on my side since he's gay he feels/thinks like a woman. Right? Anyways, they told me that if a man still doesn't hint you after the third date that he wants to sleep with you ASAP, then he must be really in love with you. They think sex in the second or third date is a mandatory dating activity. Now, wait a second! If he's not in love with me, why am I dating him in the first place?!? Just to spend time? or to wait and see if he will ever fall in love with me?

Then the Owl confessed that he slept with his current girlfriend on the first date, right after dinner. I met the girl, simply she has confidence issue, and probably she wanted to secure herself, because she just started college and she was in a new environment. This is another reason why some women just give it up so easily. Simple they need to depend on someone, because of their personal issues. They better go see a therapist and be independent, strong women ASAP!

Let me share a personal experience. It can even be considered a twisted sad experience, because I found out that the guy I dated was...bisexual. Don't get me wrong, I don't judge people, I am not the one to tell them how to live their lives, but I do want the guy I date to be definitely STRAIGHT!

I had seen Mr Bisexual only three times. Although I sensed something was off I just couldn't put my finger on it. I always Google the guys I date. I don't just mean Googling like normal people, I Google like crazy and I found about all his dirty laundry along with his sexual preference. Although I figured out this detail after the second date, because we arranged the third date I didn't cancel it, I rather decided to confront him. I was quite intoxicated at the end of the night, and although it was his birthday and he kept saying this was too short when I was leaving with my friends, (thinking he was punishing me for not letting him to control me. will tell the details later) I left him there and never contacted him ever again! THANK GOD he never contacted me as well.

At the end of our second date, he asked "what do you want to do now?" It was 1:00am and we were in a bar. I was quite naive I guess or he caught me off guard and I didn't understand what he meant at first, but two seconds later I realized, and wanted to think he just didn't ask THAT! but I was right. However, I pretended like I didn't get it, and said "I am tired and I will go home", and not to cause any confusion I added "and you go to your own home. We already arranged to meet tomorrow. So, we can do something tomorrow." Although I had no interest in doing anything he had in mind tomorrow or anytime soon, I had to get rid off him kindly. He was quite satisfied thinking he was going to get what he wanted to get in the first place. However, I was just disgusted by the way he asked as if "hey I am bored, you are bored, let's have sex."

You might find me boring, old fashioned. WHATEVER. If there is one thing that I am NOT, that is I am not Carrie Bradshaw. She can be your idol, your guru or whatever the heck you think she is or the character Samantha Jones, I simply like to have things the old way. Meet the guy, get to know him/fall in love with him, and start a fulfilling relationship with him.

So, if you are like me, unfortunately, you will have difficulty dating in this continent. You might be suffering from the same thing in Europe, but I think the situation in here is sadder.

Gina recently experienced this herself. After breaking up with her American boyfriend, who was quite different than usual Americans when it comes to dating, she met a guy at the bar and started talking to him. She thought the cute guy was into her. He was listening, asking questions, complementing. Simply, he was playing his part quite well. Then, he made the major mistake. He suggested her going back to his place! Of course, Gina was quite surprised, but kindly refused him ASAP saying she needs to catch up her friends and go back home. I couldn't help and said "I told ya. Now, do you get what I meant about American way of dating?"

Now, as a single girl back in the market, Gina is more careful then ever, because what happens if you had one too many martinis and you accept the guy's offer to go back to his place without thinking/realizing what he has in mind? If you are a Carrie Bradshaw/Samantha Jones, when you wake up next morning you will surprise at yourself and you will get dressed to go to Starbucks to get your daily doze of caffeine and will not even remember what happened last night by the time for lunch, but if you don't have a thick skin like her? It's always better to stay away from things that contains high dose of embarrassment.

Be careful about those frogs who think they deserve to get laid, because they paid for your drink or dinner, or because they know you for 48 hours!

Of course, this is another reason for me being single. I want a meaningful relationship. I don't believe a healthy relationship starts after sex. It's just sex after all like you said...


P.S Please help out people of Japan....

Suddenly I See...

I am trying to read a book that my neighbor Marry lend me. I said "trying" because lately my brain is so exhausted, so tired, so sad, so disappointed that even the easiest tasks are difficult to accomplish.

This book talks about visualization. The idea behind it is really simple, but in grown-ups world nothing is easy. Basically, what you are supposed to do is to dream about who you want to be, what you want to do. It's what we used to do all the time when we were little, when things were easier. The sky was really the limit for us. Maybe it is still so for some, but I realized it wasn't like that for me. This visualization is a really difficult homework for me. I was raised with the mentality that your choices reflect who you are and what kind of a family you have. Long story short, my visualization skills are handicapped by my up bringing.

I am torn in between. On one hand, I want to be an important business woman in a corporate firm and have my corner office, and fly overseas all the time for business and not have my own family, simply because I will not have time for that, but I will complete my life in other aspects.

However, my heart is in love with opening a small store (maybe a patisserie)  in Rome (I can't forget about Rome since I went there when I was seventeen) and having a low key life, and living happily ever after. Then I tell myself "this is impossible!". How am I going to leave everything and let everyone down and settle for something really simple? People will tell each other how sorry they feel for me; that after all those years of education and having a bright future ahead of me, leaving everything for NOTHING!

I know I shouldn't care about anything and do what ever makes me happy, but is it possible to be happy when so many people around you trying to make you feel bad, because you didn't choose the path you weree expected to choose?

They will not be happy for me, until my low key, simple life desire accomplishes something important. If I manage to be all over the news (not in a scandalous way) and appreciated by even strangers then those people who try to put me down simply for not following their dreams for me, will be happy and proud for KNOWING ME, and will tell everyone that they know me. Is that the only way for me to be happy? What if I blow everyone and leave everything behind and start a new life? Wait a second! Didn't I already do that? Yes. Yes, I did and it was not enough, my old life was attached me at the hip. Besides, I am coming to an end in this journey, although I am wishing for a last minute miracle. I don't even believe in miracles, but wanting it to come true one time wouldn't hurt anyone I guess.

Is it wrong not wanting to go back to people who only express their love when you accomplish something, but not when you want a peaceful, simple life?

All self-help books would tell you to eliminate negativity. They say drop it like a bad habit. What if they are your closest ones? What do you do then? How do you cut them out of the picture? Are we even allowed to do that? Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't love them, but they simply do not get me! I was told that I have a cat personality (I will tell you later who diagnosed me. lol) and my family has definitely a dog personality. They like to suffer, and make the others a priority, because that's what families do or at least they think so. However, remember the announces on planes: Help yourself first, so you can help others. Or it was something like that whatever.

For wanting to be mentally stable and healthy, and drama-free I am accused of being selfish and an ice queen.

Guess what? I accept all accusations and sooner or later, I will find a way to make my dreams, the dreams that you find ridiculous come true!

Of course when you are still torn between expectations and dreams, it is difficult to dream yourself with Mr Right, because I am not sure where he will fit.

Plus, I have witnessed so many bad relations, so many wrong marriages that I am still not sure if I will ever want to carry on a relation let alone a marriage.

I guess only time will tell.

Until then I will keep being a student of visualization.

Sweet dreams everyone. Don't forget to dream about your the future, the way you want it to be.

They say everything is created two times; first in the mind, then in reality.

You need to believe in your dreams, then believe the possibility of it. Eventually it will come true. ;)

Suddenly I see what I wanna be! Lalalalalalalala



P.S Please help out people of Japan....

March 19, 2011

Oldies but Goldies?!

This blog supposed to have funny dating stories, but somehow CJ turned things into a bitter story. Anyways, since he is in the past, it's time to talk about some funny stuff. The stuff that I always tell my friends and they keep telling me that I need to write these down and should make it a book. Well....obviously it's not a book,  but! it's even better. It's a blog that I can keep adding new stuff. So, where to start?

Let's start from the last frog I dated.

Actually I mentioned him before in my blog; the So Called Tall B. However, you don't know the latest news. So, get your tea/coffee/cola whatever you I like to drink and start reading. I have my tea that is microwaved two times, because I keep forgetting to drink it LOL.

I haven't seen So Called Tall B since our first date. It was our first and the last date. THANK GOD!

If only I wasn't such a nice person I would turn my back, get into my car and drive off ASAP as fast as possible. Not that he was ugly or anything, but he has a baby-face. He claimed he was twenty-three, but he was not looking a day older than seventeen which was a sudden turn of for me. Plus he was skinny. I like hunks! Definitely not Mike the Situation type of morons, but mostly football players with a cute face on top of a perfect body. Anyways...

You already know what happened in our date. If you don't here is the "link". It was the longest date of my life! However, I shouldn't forget the moron I dated before him. These last two frogs....OMG they make me speechless which is quite unusual for me, because my friends know that it's something really really rare for me.

Long story short, I ran into this guy at a friends party. Our mutual friend/who set me up with this weird frog, So Called Tall B wanted me to invite him, but I came up with this excuse that it's not my party, so I cannot invite his friend So Called Tall B. Then of course he asked my friend whom the party was for. Although I warned her about this, and I asked her not to invite him! but of course she's too soft on people (most of the time) and she couldn't say no and kind of invited this So Called Tall B guy. Grrrr! However, I still had my hopes high and thought he wouldn't come. It turned out that I was wrong :(

He showed up with our mutual friend and some other moron looking guy. I know they say never judge a book by it's cover. However, most of the times the cover gives away the most important details that you need. It's same for people. Some people's moronness (is that even a word? lol who cares I'm the boss here;) )and their ugly personality can be clearly seen on their faces. This guy that they brought with them was definitely a moron and for some reason he was so happy when he saw me. "Buddy you just met me why do you look at me like a dog who just reunited with his owner after so many years?!" Whatever clearly he was a desperate frog...

I decided to be cold to So Called Tall B, because I knew that he still had his hopes. (P.S. We only contacted by commenting each others' status twice since the coffee date. The first one, I suggested him soothing linen spray for his insomnia and then he commented on my status about sending a check without a date on it.)
He saw me, but I pretended like I haven't seen him and I pretended like I just saw our mutual friend. After saying Hi to him and his girlfriend, I shook So Called Tall B's hand and that was it.

When I decided to relax, I realized he was following me around in the small ass bar. When I was talking to a guy he  was right behind us with a cold, bad ass expression on his face. I was changing places and then I was founding him right behind me again and again. It wasn't cute! He was quite creepy, because he almost had no humanly emotions on his face.  I couldn't talk to my friends more than two minutes, because I had to change places constantly. I was like "I'll be back in 5"

When my friend T was going outside to smoke, I was going outside as well so that I could leave him inside, and breathe for few minutes. However, the last time I went outside he followed me. Few seconds after I went outside, he came outside as well, and that was it for me! That was just too much. He followed me around all night as if we were attached at the hip. He was so close to me when I was talking to a guy that was just plain creepy and annoying. After he came outside, I said it's too cold which was not a lie, and I went in and I used my friends as a camouflage/barrier. I don't know if he saw me or he decided to give up, but he disappeared for 10 minutes. I cannot tell you how relieved I was. I was happy like a dog without any fleas.

Then, of course something weird had to happen. The third wheel, who came with our friend Owl and So Called Tall B, kept asking "Did you see my friends? Where are my friends? Did they leave? Did they go outside? Did they leave? Did they leave?" I don't know how old that moron was, but he was a grown up ass man acting like a child who was left at the mall by his mother. He kept repeating "Where are my friends?" question for twenty times or maybe even more that I just wanted to slap him across his face and wanted to say "GROW UP MORON! It's not the end of the world! Get a cab, or ask someone to drive you home, buddy."

Then the Moron's friends, Owl and So Called B showed up. At first I didn't realize, but their mood was changed. I think the Owl was more relaxed and happier and then I looked at So Called B, and had to take another look at him. He was dancing like a crazy monkey. If you haven't guessed yet. Yes, they probably had a special cocktail at the restroom.

The Owl even dared to ask me if I smoke weed or if I snort. I have never used any drugs in my life and I am perfectly fine this way. So, I was really offended by his question and he had to take it back, said sorry and said "I was just asking". Well...YOU MORON YOU BETTER NEVER DARE TO SEE ME AGAIN!

I don't know if So Called Tall B thought his crazy monkey dance was not appreciated enough or he felt sleepy or wanted to have another cocktail, but he left with his Moron friend, the Third Wheel. He kissed my friend T goodbye, and before he could do any moves I made the move to shake his hand. So, we had a cold and-Thank God-short hand shake and he left.

After that traumatizing night I felt too much undisguised and blocked him, and the Owl from seeing my fb wall and all my pictures. I do not need their so called friendship. I guess he got my message, or because I was cold to him that night, and didn't talk to him nor pay attention to him, he deleted me from his fb. I could not be any more happier!

You may think that I am exaggerating, but you need to surround yourself with good people to have a healthy and happy life. Obviously, these people are nothing but germs!

You think that was the end of the story? You are wrong! Chapter Two is coming up shortly, "The Owl thinks he can date me".

See you soon...


You are no good for me!

P.S. Please Do not forget to help out Japan! 

March 18, 2011

I'm back bitchesssss!

Hahaha I always wanted to say this, but the possibility of saying this aloud in real life is almost zero. Sorry, it's just not my style. So what happened since December? I had a not-so-fun New Year's eve party at a fancy club. (I think I am over the bar/club scene. I used to make fun of people who say that, especially men. If you are over, if he is over, then who are all these jerks at the bars/clubs? However, I experienced in first hand that it is possible to be over the bar/club scene.) 

It's 3:09am and I don't feel tired. It must be the ADHD that I don't have kicking in haha.


My thoughts changed so much over the last three months. Miss Anti-marriage wants to find Prince Charming and want to have her own family and live happily ever after lalalala. (Of course the reason behind this is my family drama, but that's another story.) What's the possibility? I really don't know, but I really want to believe that there is someone one special for me out there. I hope God ships him to me as a next-day-delivery. Hehe

My Goodness, I haven't have such a bad asthma attack in months. I feel like someone is choking me right now. Could it be the dear spirit in our apartment? Actually, I was going to mention her in my Halloween post, but I was tired and felt lazy and changed my mind. Long story short, me and two other neighbors are feeling a "presence" in the building. Not a so nice one, but a harmless one, or at least this is what I want to believe. We don't know who it is, but I feel/think it's a female.

Let's change the subject before I really believe she's in my apartment floating around.

There was a draft, a really long one about my dating life that I really wanted to post, but for some reason I never posted it, and at this point I am debating whether to post it or not. What do you think? Do you want to hear more about this crazy girl babbling about her dating life?

I think I will make an exception and give the link of my blog to my neighbor. I wonder what she will say. She's an open-minded woman and I want someone to know I am babbling about stuff  in my life. I don't know...It's something totally out of my comfort zone, but I think I will do it. :)

As I always do, I will end my post with a song (posted below) that I think is connected to the main idea in this post.


Rescue me before I fall into despair
I'll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle

A year has passed since I wrote my note

Love can mend your life
But love can break your heart

I'll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle

Seems I'm not alone at being alone

P.S Don't forget to help people of Japan!

December 14, 2010

Taking it easy...

I decided to take things easy. I am not chasing love anymore. I will wait for it to happen at the right time at the right place. Do I believe this? Yes. Besides, I don't have any other options than believing in this. I dated so many wrong guys aka loser, disgusting jerks that at this stage in my life all I can do is to wait. I am still young. There is no need to be desperate to find love. I can take my time.

He is some where out there and I will meet him one day.

Till then let's talks about old funny dating stories ;)


Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong.

The storm is coming soon.

I still believe in summer days
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

December 09, 2010


There isn't much to write about really. I guess Mary is right, if you push something too much it won't come true. I dedicated myself so much finding a boy friend since April, because I want to be in a relationship happily. I am sick of being single. I want someone next to me who is in love with me and just happy to be with me. So, I dated many guys, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. I always eliminate men if they don't fit my criteria. I hope like my Mary says I can realize him when I run into him, because I am afraid that I cannot see this since I keep eliminating them and moving on. I don't want to end up alone, and just because I don't want to end up alone, I don't want to be with someone who is not good enough for me. I want to find the One. Do I ask for too much? If there is someone for everyone where is my match?

I'm tired, can't we just sleep tonight?
There's just nothing left to say here...

December 07, 2010

Thank You CJ

I hosted a formal dinner party recently and guess who was one of the guests? Yes, you guessed it correctly. It was CJ. At first i came up with this plan just to see him or to create another chance to hang out with him, i don't know. Then it turned into a way that I just didn't care if he comes or not, I was going to be with my friends and this is what was important for me. I was going to enjoy myself and entertain my guests.

I don't care what others say, he was still upset with me that I didn't buy his game and confronted him saying that it's not ok to use me for my connections. Still a twenty-seven year-old man should know how to behave when he is among friends, my friends. Clearly, he has no clues. He was really rude to me. He barely talked to me. As if he was in a restaurant having dinner with his friends and I was the waitress. Wait! That's not all. After the dinner, he was lying on my couch his feet up on. I was like when did we get married CJ, and when did you become the man of the house? Who gave you the right to behave like that? Maybe he thought he is entitled to behave like this, because I had been to his place before, I guess four times in total. Still, it was his first time being in my home. I would expect him to be a gentleman with some manners. Clearly, he doesn't have any! However, I should thank to him. By being so rude and offhand, he helped me to de-attach myself from him, and I stated this clearly to him. I think he was a little stressed when me and my friend were talking about this guy who also wanted to come over. However, what I saw on CJ's face that he was a little stressed, because he realized that I unmasked him and made it clear to him that I already moved on. So, if he thought he was punishing me by not texting back and trying to ruin my plans for the night...sorry CJ you couldn't do it!

I am surprised that he was more jerk than all the other jerks that I know. He looks like a good guy, he treats you as if he is a good guy, but once you get to know him a little more...it's like opening the can of worms. He is disgusting me, because of the rude behaviors he had at my home. I am glad I am almost over him. I need the other 10% to be over him 100%, but still 90% is a good ratio to begin with! :)


No strings attached between me and you
Amazing it seems
You mean nothing to me anymore...