October 18, 2010

Is he the One?

I try to remember and not to forget the way he looked at me. Ahhh it's been so long since somebody looked at my eyes to see my soul. Wait a second! Did anybody looked at me the way he looked? I don't know... Once a geek guy, and a bisexual drag queen guy stared into my eyes, but it was uncomfortable not like the way CJ did on Saturday night. It felt so right. I didn't feel the need to look somewhere else. I didn't feel uncomfortable and laughed saying "What?!? Why are you staring at me? Stop it!" Yes, guys looked at me before, but never made me feel the way CJ did. I still smile when I think about that night and how he was looking at me, but trying not to stare. He was observing; as if he was trying to memorize my face while I am not looking at him, and trying to see my soul when he looked into my eyes. He was so sweet. I liked how he was asking questions about where my favorite place is in the country. It was especially so sweet when he was trying to show me that he knows stuff about my hometown. I'm also impressed that he doesn't like gambling. It's so difficult to find a man in this city who doesn't gamble. *Smh* He is such a normal, peaceful, down-to-earth, almost reserved, nice guy. Of course I might be wrong, but... I'm rarely wrong about people. I'm such a good judge of character. That's why my love life sucks. Haha

You might think that I'm still too young (I'm 24) and I have a whole life ahead of me, but I see friends finding what they believe is true love, getting engaged, getting married, planning a life together and this makes me piss off. I get angry when I see a couple in love kissing. I guess for the first time in my life I'm jealous of someone, people that I don't even know. However, I'm not jealous about my friends' relationship, because I know that they have difficulties, problems, but strangers...they just look too happy, and when I don't even have anyone in my life, I can't stand seeing them so happily in love. *Lol* I know it's wrong, but can't help it.

Anyways...Let's get back to our main subject CJ. He's the hero of this writing. He's the reason I got this blog. He's the reason I got back to writing. Let's hope that the life of this blog will be a long one. *Lol*

I will not give away his name, because I like to keep things secret. Besides, I don't think he would like it if I had use his name without him knowing it. So, we'll call him CJ.

So...He went to college in UK which is interesting and impressive. While the whole world tries to come to the states for college, he went to UK. So, he's not attached to his family from the hip which is almost the best thing ever! I'm sick of guys telling me "I am sooo close with my family. We spend every weekend together." which I translate this sentence as "I have such a miserable life that I don't have anyone but my family on my side, so we're always together." Not attractive at all! Don't get me wrong! It's nice that a man has good relations with his family, but there's a difference between having good relations with your family and being a mama's boy. Lately, all the guys I met are mama's boys, but they don't know this. However, I can't blame them. I am the one who's fishing on the wrong pond as my neighbor says. Where did I find them? Online...They say, today, 1 out of 4 relations start online. So, I guess that's why I decided to try. It's nothing but BS! I see there are handsome guys in other states, cities, etc, but only miserable guys live in my city! However, I am hoping that things will change soon. I don't know if CJ and I can have a relationship, but... if he keeps looking at me the way he looked, soon, I'll melt and become a glass of Angie. *Lol*

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