October 30, 2010

Queen of messing things up...

I don't know where to start...

Have you ever had a day/night where you want to forget it because you just can't believe what you did, but at the same time you don't want to forget it, because it was kind of beautiful. Well, i had that night and day.

First, I was upset that for the second time CJ didn't want to go out with me and my friends. Then, I broke my own rule and texted him while intoxicated. I'm glad he came, but I don't why he came. Was it because he wanted to have drinks, or to see me, or because I said I was drunk and he felt responsible?

Long story short, I slept in his bed and he slept on the sofa in the living room. I knew that he was not going to take advantage of me, because he's not that kind of a guy, but you can never know someone really, right?

It was so sweet of him that he gave me a spare toothbrush and the look on his face when I saw him in the mirror while I was brushing my teeth was to die for. It was the CJ that I liked. It was "the look".

The next morning after a sleep of 5 hours I woke up at 8 and tried to leave while he was sleeping. There was no point of staying there and I was going to text him saying thank you for everything, but of course the door was locked and he woke up when I tried to unlock it. His reaction was hilarious! He said, "what are you doing? Where are you going? Why? I can't believe you tried to sneak out on me!" I was surprised that he reacted that way and it was nice to see him not wanting me to leave. He said sleep for another hour and I'll drive you to your car. I didn't feel like sleeping, because I felt uncomfortable, it's so not like me. I never crashed in a friend's house, let alone a guy's place. So, I sat there watched him sleeping. He was so cute. When he finally woke up two hours later he almost refused to let me go. When I decided to walk where ever I parked he got changed and walked me to my car, or to where I thought my car was.

We stopped by the farmers market and looked around then walked to where I thought my car was. Another long story short I figured out my car was some place else so we went back to his street and he drove me where my car was really parked. He looked kind of sad when I said goodbye. I don't know maybe I'm exaggerating. We said I see you later to each other, I gave him a half hug and I left.

Although I'm afraid that I gave him the wrong impression of me. I think, he thinks I'm a party fly. Lately, I go out with friends and I like to drink, but I'm not like this all the time. I'm just acting out because of all the drama, pressure in my life. This was a wake up call for me. Like Rose says, I learn it in the first time, and never do the same mistake again!

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