October 26, 2010

A Dark Cloudy Saturday Morning...

I know I said I'll report back on Sunday, but things didn't go as I hoped it to be. First of all, we didn't stay at the camping place and came back the same night. Then, at 7 am sharp I got a text message from my mother saying that my dad is sick and she wanted me to make peace with my father and tell him that I love him. I took it really hard, because I felt like my mom asked for me to say goodbye to him. Although I don't remember how the weather was that day, I'll remember it as a dark cloudy day in my life.

I have my two nice smelling Zen candles out, favorite relaxing music playing in the background having breakfast and trying not to think about the worst case scenario.

A friend asked me if I am sorry because he might die, or because he might leave me behind. I think it's both. I don't know which one weighs more than the other. I'm scared of losing him, and being alone and being the man of the house although I'm a girl.

So, since I am worried for so many things, I messed up things with CJ. I think all he needed was some encouragement for a green light and all he got was a yellow light, which must make him confuse more.

I'll talk about the camp details later, but it was so funny seeing him trying to figure me out. Am I a dress-up Barbie with a diva attitude, or a tom-boy who plays sports and don't mind getting hurt or getting dirty? All he knows I am intimidating him more and more every time, but I swear I don't do it on purpose! I'm just being me! I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one just like it says in the song... (I'm not fan of the video, try listening the song only .. :))

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