I deserve to be happy, don't I? I want to ask God, why? why? why don't you let me be happy? but I know it's not him. I know he can make whatever he wants come true, but it's me. I am like this because of my choices, but still he could help me a little by making things easier for me; taking away my pain. Not about CJ, but it would be great if I could get rid of my sadness and my fears in general. I think at least I deserve this. I know that he is not going to do anything. I need to fight and hang in there. The sun will rise again after darkness of the night...
I want to believe that there will be a day when I am happy and peaceful. There is this man who will love me, adore me, and will want to spend his life with me to get old with me. I believe that. It's like ray of light between clouds. There is hope. My life might be cloudy right now, but time will come for me to have my sunny day. I believe that.
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